Why I like and don’t like being single…

August 1, 2008 at 12:23 am (Uncategorized)

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So as I was walking home from work this afternoon I began thinking about some single women that I know who are totally not interested in ever having a relationship again.

Mind you they have been married and have grown up kids, so maybe they don\’t feel they need a man in their lives as they say they are very happy with things the way they are.

Are they really happy this way? Are they just too set in their ways to put up with a new person in their lives? Are they in denial? Maybe they just don\’t want to be vulnerable and hurt again?

There are many pro\’s to being single.

No one to answer to.

Don\’t have to depend on anyone but yourself.

Don\’t have to worry about anyone but yourself.

Can mostly do what you like when you like.

No arguments over the remote control or anything else for that matter.

But there are also many con\’s.

No one to depend on.

No one to share good and bad times with.

No one to hug or kiss.

No one to appreciate your cooking.

No one to tell you that you are the most beautiful person in the world.

And I am not talking about this stuff in a way you share it with your family.

I am talking about an intimacy that you can only have with a partner that you love and that loves you. Your family and friends just never can provide that kind of thing as far as I am concerned.

So I have trouble understanding the logic of these women I know. Because I don\’t like being without that kind of intimacy in my life, and lets face it even if you have casual sex with someone that still isn\’t real intimacy.

Having said that, when I am in a relationship I am never totally dependent on a man nor do I feel I \”need\” a man to feel \”whole\”.

A partner however can help you grow, enrich your life, and teach you many lessons.

I won\’t deny that I have a longing in my heart to find someone with whom I can have a great close, happy and intimate relationship.

But this isn\’t a plea to all you single guys out there either.

I don\’t think that I will meet this person online (well perhaps online dating) but I certainly don\’t believe in long distance romantic relationships that are based online. I need to meet someone to know if I would get along with them. Apparently, smell has a lot to do with who you find attractive and you can\’t smell someone over the internet can you?

Plus I love Australia and really wouldn\’t want to settle down anywhere else.

Well, thanks for listening to the meanderings of my little mind.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Love Me xxxxxxxxxxx

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17 Comments

  1. Anonymous said,

    I feel ya on this one. *Sigh. I guess I’m back to the ole drawing board once more, but honestly, I’m like those you mention. (Hey, don’t knock denial….it IS good sometimes! :P) I really do crave intimacy but sick of trying to put myself out there to only wind up hurt again. Maybe I need a few years break so I can forget (or deny more!) I’m stuck with sun and water and Thankfully a few close friends to help me grow. But…..you’re right. It’s just not the same. So here’s to the broken heart club and the ones searching for that true love. Peace and well wishes. I’ll take my pity party elsewhere…lol. I enjoyed reading your blog though and may copy and paste to my own.

  2. Anonymous said,

    You have most things right. Many convince themselves of the rightness of their ways. But in the end the open eyes will see the truth. We are not islands nor were we designed to be one. We all have to let loose and take the risk of being hurt to appreciate the finding the right one. Nothing in life is easy and as such anything that we don’t earn in some way is not fully appreciated. Even the weight loss pills they will design will not be that fulfilling since we don’t go and do to achieve. Part of being human is to constantly strive to achieve in some way. Even in love. Risk is part of the achievement. I hope you find the intimacy that you crave. Maybe it will fill you and fulfill your desires. In an imperfect world we must accept a little imperfection. Keep the good thoughts going. See ya.

    David

  3. Curtis said,

    After divorce and many failed relationships you get to the point, you say the hell with it and try to enjoy life. It’s a different world today than your parents had, somethings are better , but the home life as been destroyed somehowor it seems to have

  4. ♥♥♥ r o s e said,

    i think you are right, you tell the truth… but so many woman had bad relationship, only felt utilized, not appreciated… partner-, relationship need food to grow… and to stay …

    sometimes when my family was around me and i had to care only and had no time for me all come and want and let rubbish.. i not seldom thought to flee, to have a small tiny flat for me alone, to let them do their rubbish alone … but i think this is usual….

    and to meet somebody in real live, you only than will know if it would be a partner

    humans are not created to be alone, we need one another, some time more, some time less, but we need…

    great thoughts of you

  5. James T. said,

    I see you suffer from the same frailty as I, or does everyone? As a single parent I find similar related pro’s & cons. No parenting style disagreements, but no help either. When I’m sick I have NO choice, there is nobody else to take care of my daughter. I strongly desire and crave the love and intimacy you speak of, but am VERY happy being completely myself without worry. It would be nice to have more than 8yr old level convo’s throughout the day, and getting her kisses just isn’t enough.

    Casual sex??? Where do you find that if you can’t go out clubbing? Shh, don’t tell anyone… it’s been 7yrs since I’ve even had a good snog. I’ve been too busy raising my daughter (that’s how long I’ve had sole custody).

    I’ve tried the online dating thing. My advice to all others is… DON’T. Waste of time even typing in the words ’cause they have sooo little meaning. You just can’t detect that kind of compatibility over a wire. As you said, smell is ultimately important. You may find someone to ‘hook up with’, but it won’t form the bond of a lasting union. It’s not a matter of feeling ‘whole’, but rather of feeling ‘more than whole’.

    Unfortunately, my desire for companionship doesn’t seem able to override my fear of being burned again. When a woman shows the slightest interest in me it scares me silly. I’m talking a real sense of ***DANGER***, near panic attack levels. Not just for my safety, but now also for my daughter’s. I could easily survive a bad relationship, but I’m just not willing to place my daughter’s well being in jeopardy.

    The women you know who say they don’t want a relationship should probably be saying that they just aren’t ready to risk their freedom right now, for something that ‘might’ happen. As long as they aren’t actively avoiding one, it’s healthy.

    “Oh, all the lonely people. Where do they all belong?” Elanore Rigby kept going through my mind as I typed this. It made it a bit difficult to concentrate, so I hope this made sense. If you’re ever in Vancouver, Canada look me up. We may find that we like each other’s odour. HaHaHa :o)

    BTW – I’ve tried inviting people as ‘friends’, but my ancient PC doesn’t like the script. If you would like to be my one and only friend so far on 360(eyes shy and downcast), please invite me. Maybe it will work the other way around if I’m lucky. You have quickly become my favourite feline.

    Luv & kisses, James.

  6. Michelle D said,

    I know how you feel. I would like someone someday. I tried to fine someone over the computer but that wont work. I meet a guy on here and trusted him with a problem and he came back calling me names and telling me that I need to get my son out of the house. See my son is boarder line retarted and he went off the other day and he hit some people. I was telling this guy and he told me I need to get him help . I said I tried and there nothing I can do. So he said he was going to call someone I told him he dnt know whee I live he said he can fine out my family said no he can’t to not to worried about it. My son don’t go off like this allot hthis is his first time in a year. So now I don’t know who to trust. So I am sticking with people I know and if god want me to meet someone I will

  7. Anonymous said,

    I met my husband over the internet as a penpal. It progressed to being married now for 7 years. If something ever happened to him or we broke up, I wouldn’t look for another man. No one up till him offered the kind of love and companionship I’ve had. I’ll just stick with family. I’m one of those at 54 that won’t search again.

  8. Anonymous said,

    WE WHERE ALL CREATED WITH THE DESIRE TO BE WITH SOMEONE IN LIFE.I ALSO AGREE WITH WHAT YOU SAY THOUGH NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO FEEL THEY ARE DEPENDANT ON SOMEONE ELSE TO BE HAPPY.HAPPINESS SHOULD BE BASED ON WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON AND HOW YOU THINK OF YOURSELF,AFTER ALL IF YOU DONT LOVE YOURSELF HOW CAN YOU FREELY EXPRESS THAT LOVE TO OTHERS.THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME RAMBLE AND HAVE A GREAT DAY

  9. Anonymous said,

    Of all that you have written, this is probbly the best, you pour out your heart on how you feel on the subject and you look at both sides with great detail. Well i have wondered about the possibility of being single and happy, just last night two other guys and myself were sitting in the camp spot discussing it. Just my own conclusion, the women i have known who would never again be in a relationship had some very bad boyrfriends or husbands who hurt them beyond repair.

    It goes both ways as well, but the difference is, a woman’s heart is more fragile and more likely to not recover from an abusive lover. Ive wondered many things about this for years and only found a few definite answers. To me it is sickening to not have a date becuase a lady fears all men because of one.

  10. yp_carla_florissant said,

    And, whay is it you need a man????? Guys don’t get me wrong I love MEN… But Fluffy if your that dam only and you can’t him him …. THEN get a dammmm Vibrater…lol Look I know it wont be as good as a man…. But it will do until you find someone…..
    lol and they don’t talk back to you either….lol
    Go get a big TOYYYYYY………….. ttyl
    Carla

  11. Scott C said,

    don`t give up.you will find someone.sounds as if you have a lot going for you. Scooter

  12. Scott C said,

    don`t give up.you will find someone.sounds as if you have a lot going for you. Scooter

  13. jackaloopa said,

    vey well said…i’m sorry i missed this when it was first posted…i can totally empathize with your post…alone i’m good…together…i’m better…

  14. Bowzer said,

    That’s a healthy attitude, FB. It can’t be rushed, and if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, I think your life and personality are full enough and rich enough to live a rewarding life, whether solo or as a duo.

  15. Anonymous said,

    I agree with you. Independence to me is an incredibly important thing. The person whom I could give it away for will definitely be something out-of-this-world kind of amazing x”DDD I love your attitude.

  16. Anonymous said,

    I’ve never been in a “real” relationship, and I’d do anything to be in one…if only for a little while. But alas, nobody I know has ever expressed any romantic interest in me, nobody at my new school wants anything to do with me, and I feel like even my longtime platonic friends are slipping away. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I feel like I’m being punished for something.

  17. Boondock Saint said,

    There are allot of bitter people on both sides.. I think they got involved on a sexual level before finding out if they could even be friends..This is a fatal human flaw. We’ve all done it.. fall in lust as I call it, we think its love, but as the relationship digresses they find out they really have nothing in common.. seek out a best friend…marry that, fall in love with that, move in with that… everything else is just a toy..

    Azmaria, its not you.. it is them…

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