Secrecy, Relationships and stuff…

September 30, 2007 at 5:00 pm (Uncategorized)

I believe if you are in a relationship with someone you shouldn’t have any secrets.

Ever heard that old saying “What a tangled web we weave when first we try to deceive”

Secrets can destroy relationships. Unless they are strong enough to weather that storm and move on.

My late husband tried to keep secrets from me for 16 years, he wasn’t very successful at it. Because I knew him I could read his face like a book.

When you see someone everyday, you can see when they are keeping something from you, its in their eyes, their manner, their voice, the way they communicate or don’t with you.

I don’t believe that you own anyone in this life. I have told my partner on numerous occassions if he wants to leave me he is free to do so. If he stays with me it is his choice. I will never force him to do so because you cannot force anyone to stay with you. I don’t control him. I don’t demand anything of him except fidelity and no secrets. He is his own person and will make his own decisions even if they are mistakes. I will forgive him but I will never forget.

I will never stand in the way of his passion. His career comes first. I will never stop him going anywhere or doing anything to further his career. However as his partner I do believe I have a right to give him advice as I care for him and his welfare and of course our relationship, and this is what being someone’s partner is all about, sharing things. He can take what I say as he wishes, ignore it, think about it, or take it. It is up to him.

I would rather he took a chance with his career, than stay with me and regret never doing so.

If he left me it would not be the end of the world for me.

While I don’t like losing those I love, I would go on. Life goes on.

During my life I have lost my brother, my best friend, my husband, my father, my mother. I lived through that.

I have lived through things that not many of you out there could even imagine. I have seen the dark side of life but I don’t regret that, it taught me much about human nature and now I look for the sun.

Love Me xxxx

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31 Comments

  1. Bellemai said,

    You’re a very very wise lady, dear.

  2. Anonymous said,

    hugs. I know how you feel.

  3. Nicki R said,

    Honesty is above all the most important thing in ANY relatioship. Whether it is as friends, lovers or both. I agree with what you have said wholeheartedly. We do not control others. All we can do is speak our minds and leave it up to them to decide what they want to do with it. No, no one should ever stand in the way of someones passion or dream. That would not be love of any kind. All we can do is encourage. It looks as though you have found the key to making a wonderful relationship last. Bravo to you! (((HUG)))

  4. Anonymous said,

    Truth is so much easier! Someties not as impresive!
    Nice blog!
    Peace,
    Van

  5. Toni A said,

    When there are secrets between two it can eat away at the trust you have built

  6. Anonymous said,

    Very good attitude to have. I agree you’re a wise woman.

  7. Bart said,

    Honesty and trust is a major issue with me, and yes I agree that secrets will destroy a relationship, been there, done that and got the T-shirt as they say, I don’t think theres such a thing as a good lier, eventually the secrets and lies will come back to haunt them. On a lighter note I hope you’re doing well Fluffy.

  8. Anonymous said,

    you are a special lady…all the best to you…take care

  9. Bart said,

    Honesty and trust is a major issue with me, and yes I agree that secrets will destroy a relationship, been there, done that and got the T-shirt as they say, I don’t think theres such a thing as a good lier, eventually the secrets and lies will come back to haunt them. On a lighter note I hope you’re doing well Fluffy.

  10. Bart said,

    Honesty and trust is a major issue with me, and yes I agree that secrets will destroy a relationship, been there, done that and got the T-shirt as they say, I don’t think theres such a thing as a good lier, eventually the secrets and lies will come back to haunt them. On a lighter note I hope you’re doing well Fluffy.

  11. Bart said,

    as you can see yahoo is sucking again tonight

  12. jackaloopa said,

    so very true…i know exactly how you feel…and i agree with everything you said here…

  13. Curtis said,

    He probably won’t go anywhere,and with no demands thats the way it’s suppose to be, alot of women make the mistake of trying to change someone, if they liked them so much before the relationship why would they wanna change them? he’s a lucky man

  14. Anonymous said,

    do you really have NO secrets from him at all? If so, you are doing better than I am. But very good point and one we all need reminded of from time to time

  15. Anonymous said,

    do you really have NO secrets from him at all? If so, you are doing better than I am. But very good point and one we all need reminded of from time to time

  16. Truculent Trencherman™ said,

    It feels good to be honest. Why do people hide stuff from theose they care the most about?

  17. Truculent Trencherman™ said,

    It feels good to be honest. Why do people hide stuff from theose they care the most about?

  18. Anonymous said,

    great post ….. thank you and just a quick observation ….. one who has seen and lived or experienced the darkside of life… can appreciate the light side so much more 🙂

    have a great day
    Zapp

  19. Anonymous said,

    i know how u feel i’ve lost a brother. even if things seem better its never the same. my husband got ms when r son brandon was 10 months then r son ryan had a brain anersyum at 5 and half weeks old. so yeah were still going to. and i don’t think will ever give up either. we’ve been through a great deal like u. and its good to know u stand your ground and do have people who care even if some don’t. great writing on your part. it was a great piece. with all my love tammy storm

  20. gentleman said,

    (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (.´ ♥•¯)
    (¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (.´ ♥•¯)
    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~
    ~♥When No One Is There For You♥~
    ~♥When You Think No One Cares♥~
    ~♥When The Whole World Walks Out On You♥~
    ~♥When You Think You’re Alone♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥When The One You Care About Most
    Could Care Less About You♥~
    ~♥When The One You Gave Your Heart To Isn’t♥~
    ~♥When Someone Throws Something In Your Face♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥When The Person You Trusted
    Betrays You♥~
    ~♥When The Person You Share All Your ♥Memories♥ With Can’t Even Remember Your Birthday♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥When All You Need Is A ♥TRUE♥ Friend To Listen To You Whine♥~
    ~♥When All You Need Is ♥Someone♥ To Catch Your Tears♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥When Your Heart Hurts So Bad That You Can’t Even Breathe♥~
    ~♥When You Just Want To Crawl Up And Die♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥When You Start To Cry♥~
    ~♥Or When Hearing That Sad Song♥~
    ~♥When The Tears Just Won’t Stop Falling Down♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥So You See I’ll Be There Until The End♥~
    ~♥This Is A Promise I Can Make♥~
    ~♥If You Ever Need Me♥~
    ~♥Just Give Me A Call And♥~

    ~♥I’LL BE THERE♥~

    ~♥Thanks For Entering ♥My Life♥ And Becoming ♥My Friend♥, May We Travel The World Of ~♥FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER♥~

    ~♥HUGZZZZ♥~
    (¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (.´ ♥•¯)
    (¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸.•´♥ (¸.•´ ♥.•´ ♥¸¸.•¨¯)♥ ♥.•´¸.•*¨)♥(¸
    HUGS AND KÄ°SSES…HAPPY TUESDAY…xoxoxox

  21. William J said,

    Right On Fluffybutt!!!

  22. Anonymous said,

    perambulating… i too thnk like you, that fidelity is the best policy of success. Well, i cant say like you say though because i havent been in a serious relationship so far in my life, still..
    “What a tangled web we weave when first we try to deceive” yea this one is very true…tangled web of lies…
    living a free life is a wonderful idea… i hope every girl was thinking on your lines. After all, we only have one life on this planet…
    live the life with full lissom, this is my litany
    some people…tell lies for the fun of it…some tell to be peremptory…and some…for the sake of it..LOL
    only oafs lie …….why obfuscate one’s life with trivial lies…
    it is easy to lead a good life – a happy one without even giving any oblations [lol]….is that to remain faithful to oneself [atleast]. some may objurgate your idea..but on a whole…..remaining faithful [even to oneself] can be productive too.
    a good man is chary, but never a practioner of obliquity. sometimes….obliquity is good,…..but it is not the best idea..
    life is full of chasms, but important thing is what is inbetween them..
    my parents almost marked me as a obliterate….but they eventually gave away to my thoughts of life-with-freedom.. there has been no obloquy thus far, but there been few fricktions….here and there..many tried to chasten me out of this…but…i still roll on my own way..LOL…maybe, it is obnoxious for many….not me..i always lived and done what i wanted……even to the selection of chattels…lol…i dont say i am a chaste…but..i am ok-type..LOL

  23. Anonymous said,

    perambulating… i too thnk like you, that fidelity is the best policy of success. Well, i cant say like you say though because i havent been in a serious relationship so far in my life, still..
    “What a tangled web we weave when first we try to deceive” yea this one is very true…tangled web of lies…
    living a free life is a wonderful idea… i hope every girl was thinking on your lines. After all, we only have one life on this planet…
    live the life with full lissom, this is my litany
    some people…tell lies for the fun of it…some tell to be peremptory…and some…for the sake of it..LOL
    only oafs lie …….why obfuscate one’s life with trivial lies…
    it is easy to lead a good life – a happy one without even giving any oblations [lol]….is that to remain faithful to oneself [atleast]. some may objurgate your idea..but on a whole…..remaining faithful [even to oneself] can be productive too.
    a good man is chary, but never a practioner of obliquity. sometimes….obliquity is good,…..but it is not the best idea..
    life is full of chasms, but important thing is what is inbetween them..
    my parents almost marked me as a obliterate….but they eventually gave away to my thoughts of life-with-freedom.. there has been no obloquy thus far, but there been few fricktions….here and there..many tried to chasten me out of this…but…i still roll on my own way..LOL…maybe, it is obnoxious for many….not me..i always lived and done what i wanted……even to the selection of chattels…lol…i dont say i am a chaste…but..i am ok-type..LOL olopppppppp kkk

  24. Anonymous said,

    perambulating… i too thnk like you, that fidelity is the best policy of success. Well, i cant say like you say though because i havent been in a serious relationship so far in my life, still..
    “What a tangled web we weave when first we try to deceive” yea this one is very true…tangled web of lies…
    living a free life is a wonderful idea… i hope every girl was thinking on your lines. After all, we only have one life on this planet…
    live the life with full lissom, this is my litany
    some people…tell lies for the fun of it…some tell to be peremptory…and some…for the sake of it..LOL
    only oafs lie …….why obfuscate one’s life with trivial lies…
    it is easy to lead a good life – a happy one without even giving any oblations [lol]….is that to remain faithful to oneself [atleast]. some may objurgate your idea..but on a whole…..remaining faithful [even to oneself] can be productive too.
    a good man is chary, but never a practioner of obliquity. sometimes….obliquity is good,…..but it is not the best idea..
    life is full of chasms, but important thing is what is inbetween them..
    my parents almost marked me as a obliterate….but they eventually gave away to my thoughts of life-with-freedom.. there has been no obloquy thus far, but there been few fricktions….here and there..many tried to chasten me out of this…but…i still roll on my own way..LOL…maybe, it is obnoxious for many….not me..i always lived and done what i wanted……even to the selection of chattels…lol…i dont say i am a chaste…but..i am ok-type..LOL

  25. Anonymous said,

    wow…i came out 3 times..sorry for that…blame YAHOO

  26. Anonymous said,

    I agree with you about secrets ruining relationships Fluffy, you are quite right. Jeff and i always share everything, our feelings, thoughts and yep all secrets we thought we ever had are not secrets from each other. it does make for a better relationship. 20 years of marriage shows that i guess!!! I never stop jeff from doing the things he wants to do and vice versa.
    You have been through many many dark times through your life and i see why honesty from any partner is important…. it should be in any relationship, be it partner or friend and yes of course family.
    Your blog here definitely has much wisdom for many people to take in, well done and thanks for your thoughts always. Deb.xxx

  27. Anonymous said,

    sorry to here about all the people you haved lost. this is what i think you can’t change the way someone feels, with out trust you have nothing, life to short to be unhappy,you need to have fun in your life, lets chat sometime

  28. Anonymous said,

    Elizabeth, I
    It is that which breaks us that makes us stronger. The tough times you’ve been through in your life have made for a difficult path. That rocky path however has made you stronger for the journey. Like you, I too have struggled. When I found myself alone, I found comfort in being with just me. I discovered myself and what truly made me happy. When it rained, I found shelter in friends and family I thought had forgotten me. I learned so many things about myself and life in general and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

    Most importantly I believe that honesty is not only being honest with others, but even more so with yourself. It looks like you’ve already grasped that as well.

    Hugs and best wishes always.

  29. standing bear said,

    between your life storie an mine we could make the worlds best sale’r, make millions maybe a block buster movie of all time (Troubled souls)i’m walking the fine line of light an dark,seeing both worlds for what they truly are,but not ventureing either way keeping my feet to the red road for it is the path that has been chosen for me(it’s an indian thing) hugz to you Elizabeth,May the warm winds of happiness comfert you on your journeys through this life, Xox”bear’

  30. Frank C said,

    I agree that ideally it would be nice if relationships could be as open as you describe. I find it hard to be as black and white on this though. Some have never known honesty and haven’t had it modeled for them. Does that make them bad? I cannot read hearts that well and the fears that some go up against that keep them from fully sharing.For me to love unconditionally is to be open enough to try to understand the inner motivations. One may need to lay boundaries as you have having read more recent blogs. That I can accept for even in loving another we still need to respect and nourish ourselves. No doubt I’m getting a bit complex in what I’m trying to share. Try not to come from judgement Ultimately trust your quiet inner guide.

  31. Anonymous said,

    I know this feeling well.

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