Mothers Day and why today hurt so much….
Here is a photo of my mum when she was alive and young and beautiful.
She was still beautiful when she died at 84 January 06, as many of you know I have posted blogs about her before.
I don\’t have any children and at 44 I don\’t expect I will end up having any, so I guess Fluffybutt and Truffles are really my babies, so why can\’t they cook me breakfast in bed. Oh that\’s right cats don\’t have opposable thumbs.
Anyway back to why today hurt so much.
When my mother was sick she made a will which made me sole beneficiary of the house she and my father owned.
Since she died my half siblings (different father) have been fighting with me over the will. I have been to several lawyers but it is still so far from being sorted out. My sisters have put a caveat on the property which means I must now get another lawyer. The unfortunate thing is my brother is the other executor of the will along with myself.
So my appointment is on Tuesday and since I won\’t have time to get all the documentation together tomorrow I have been doing it today. Going through the bitter letters my siblings have written to me over the last year or so.
I guess the thing that hurt me most was finding a birthday card that my brother and his family consisting of his wife, his daughter and her husband, his son and his girlfriend gave to my mother on her 84th birthday about a month before she passed away. It had six signatures on one card and that was all they gave her. I could not believe this, I was utterly disgusted. They all lived not more than two minutes drive away from her yet they never visited.
So I don\’t know how long this is going to drag on for and I have definitely had enough and just want it to be over, but no one else seems to want to work this out (except on their terms, which is I divide the house up between us). I have offered to meet them and speak to them and they refuse, they will not speak to my lawyers on the phone.
Hopefully the new lawyer I am going to see on Tuesday will be able to sort this out, because I am tired of thinking about everything over and over again.
Love Me xxxxxx
Fluffybutts Place 
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 2:09 am
Fluffy you are certainly right you mum was such a beautiful lady. now i know where you get your good looks from.
Take care my dear friend. I wish you well on Tuesday with the new Lawyer. I hope it is all sorted out for you so you no longer have to have the pain in your heart it truly must be causing you. xxx
Nigel B said,
May 13, 2007 at 2:11 am
My heart goes out to you. I think that it is awful the sibling rivalry that occurs when a parent dies. The legal battles over the will etc. If the house was left to you as sole beneficiary then that was her dying wish and should be granted. I hope, for the sake of your health and sanity that your new lawyer can sort this out for you.
Nigel..x
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 2:39 am
Your mum was a beautuful lady from Ukraine.
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 6:30 am
Its such a shame when someones last wishes are ignored and contested like this. I hope that your attorney can find a satisfactory conclusion very soon. In the meantime, can you find a cooking class for creatures missing that important opposable thumb? Laughing at the thought of cat aprons, and littel chefs hats….
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 6:33 am
This is so sad and my heart goes out to you.
I wish you well on Tuesday and I hope that this mess is all sorted out asap. It is really hard to understand what some people are thinking sometimes and especially in cases like this…even more so when it is family.
Your mum’s photo is beautiful – do what you feel is right in your heart and see it through.
Love and light,Tina 🙂
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 7:37 am
Your mother was a gorgeous lady. Sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble with your relatives. I hope it all works out. I know her loss really affected you, and I hope that today you were able to remember the wonderful things she’s done for you, and were able to find happiness in that.
LO said,
May 13, 2007 at 7:56 am
She was definitely beautiful and from your writings, it sounds like she was also beautiful inside. 🙂 I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. 😦 I hate to hear when there is such nastiness and fighting when a loved one passes. When my brother and I were younger, we saw this in my mother’s extended family. It was sad. Hopefully, the new lawyer can get you a resolution soon.
Jerzy Ðevil said,
May 13, 2007 at 9:42 am
Went through something like this with my Wife’s family. Do what you know is right and follow her wishes as best you can. As for the ones contesting – what goes around comes around. Sorry to hear you’re going through such a mess.
Marrien said,
May 13, 2007 at 10:00 am
I will keep one´s fingers crossed.
carebear said,
May 13, 2007 at 2:20 pm
your mom was beautiful,and happy mums day anyways, good luck on tuesday i hope your new lawyer can get things sorted out for you
Anonymous said,
May 13, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Love and good luck! Sorry you have to go thru this. Best wishes.
Adz said,
May 13, 2007 at 3:58 pm
It is funny, but at the same time so sad to think that poeple can act like children over the most stupid things in life. Everyday i see more and more people going out their way to hurt other people over nothing. Like I told my husband yesterday. When you loose something that is of value to you, it doesn’t really matter, because you can get another one. But to loose one or both of your parents or a love one, you’ll never get another parent/s that is the same parent/s or the same love one again. In today’s life, people don’t care about that anymore, because to them money is more important than a loved one. So you fight for your mum and you don’t stand back. You tell the truth even if it means you need to scream it out. You don’t give in to these people’s greed and unrespectfulness towards you and your mother and father. Your mother gave the home to you for a reason and you respected that. If she wanted to give the house to your half siblings, she would’ve given it to them, but she didn’t and they need to respect your mother’s wish. And if they don’t want to you make them respect her wish for you, because she carried you for 9months and gave birth to you. She raised you and loved you. i will stand 100% behind you and will keep my fingers cross. Good luck!!:0)
Bart said,
May 13, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Hi Fluffy, If you hadn’t of said this was your mum I would have assumed the picture was of a movie star, I’m sorry that you have to go through the legal problems on top of greiving for your mum, you’ve been through a lot lately. I too lost my mom on Dec 05, 2005, her will named my brother and I as the only beneficiaries, luckily there were no other relatives contesting it just some stupid comments telling me how “lucky” I am or expressing their disapointment in being left out of the will, people’s true character really comes out when theres money at stake. My reply to such comments is to ask if they still have one or both of their parents living and if they do then they should be thankful for that. Even when things go as planned its still not easy to handle all the details of your parents death and last wishes.
Derose44 - Vicky said,
May 13, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Hi Fluffy so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on Oct 11,2005. I am so sorry that you are having legal battles. I only have one brother living and he does not have much to do with me. Really hurts. My thoughts are with you…
Toni A said,
May 13, 2007 at 8:58 pm
You poor darling having to do this on Mother’s Day. I’m sure your mother will give you strength to see this through. Be strong and I hope this lawyer will solve it.
Toni A said,
May 13, 2007 at 8:58 pm
P.S. Your mum was a beautiful lady.
Anonymous said,
May 14, 2007 at 2:13 am
Fluffy,
This I’m afraid to say goes on in almost every family.I still find cards when I least expect to find them re David’s Grandmother called Nan.
We loved her but they only wanted her money.We didn’t ask for anything as she gave unconditional love.They hated us for the things she left and cursed our names.
I know you nursed your mother after her stroke & she left you a home.
They have no rights to any thing she left you.They are probably angry at themselves as well and the karma they will receive in this life.
I’m so sorry as life dishes out some real hurdles to some of us.
I’m thinking of you at the moment and will write privately.
L Mich
vickie_bowie said,
May 14, 2007 at 3:50 am
What a beauty you mum was! My first thought was, as someone else mentioned, that she looked like a movie star, specifically Irene Dunn who coincidentally starred in an old movie called “I Remember Mama.”
I’m sorry to hear you are going through so much conflict and pain over the will. It’s so sad to see families torn apart by this kind of thing, I’m certain your mum would be appalled and ashamed by it. I hope things can be worked out swiftly. I will be thinking of you and sending you peaceful energy. Hang in there, this too shall pass.
Desertpea said,
May 14, 2007 at 7:59 am
I don’t know how people like your half-sisters can live with themselves!!! How can they expect to get anything when your mom meant nothing to them when she was alive …
I’ll keep my fingers crossed that this will soon be sorted and you can enjoy the house in peace!
Anonymous said,
May 14, 2007 at 8:19 am
I will be sending happy and hopeful thoughts your way… nothing lasts forever, and as Dear Abby wrote once (or something like it) “Rotten Family is the reason we have good friends” 🙂 Keep your chin up!! You will get through it! HUGS from a stranger! Kelise
Anonymous said,
May 14, 2007 at 8:36 am
As they say you can pick your friends but not your family. I understand about your sisters.. I have one that makes my eyes cross!
I have watched your page for sometime and find you to be a sweet person…too bad your famiy is so blind to this.. or so it seems.
At any rate remain you and things will turn around.. by the way your mother shines in the photo! Blessings to you and yours.
Trizia
Anonymous said,
May 14, 2007 at 11:54 am
Hay lady Hang in there some people are real but munchers as for your mum she is watching from heaven and shaking her head at them as the store goes what comes around goes around
this is soooooo true
Anonymous said,
May 14, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Not sure I can say anything that everyone else hasn’t, but know that your Mum knew/knows the love and devotion you have for her. Even from above I’m sure she feels you. Find comfort in knowing that you are doing all that you can do in regards to resolving the turmoil between your siblings. Money and material things do strange things to people. I’m sure if you are anything like me and you had the type of relationship I do with my mom, you’d much rather have her back than any old house, settlement amount or such. I wish that were the case with your siblings.
Hugs my friend and I’ll think of you tomorrow as you try again to resolve this… keep us all posted!
joseph said,
May 14, 2007 at 7:28 pm
In our own way, we can all try to honor our mothers, in various ways…recollections, photos, poems, essays…….Unfortunately, I think it is impossible to express the love MOTHERS have given each and every one of us.
It may be impossible, but we try, because their love is the greatest love we will ever know.
I am soooo sorry that you miss your mom so.
your friend,
Joseph 🙂
btw – the rest of the story…to agitating to discuss…however, I hope it is straightend out with some degree of decency and respect.
azi said,
May 15, 2007 at 12:01 am
today is 15th of May. what happened? I know what r u talking about. we had this too ( sth. like) when my granmother died. be strong and hope u can make it.
love
Azadeh
Anonymous said,
May 15, 2007 at 12:45 am
Yes…she certainly was a looker (same as you). Sorry ’bout your siblings. I know how these things go. My mother went through it when her husband passed. Everyone came out of the wood work, and the worst of them were his 3 kids, fighting amongst themselves, making life for my mother a living hell. They were all well taken care of but still….That was 12-13 years ago and there is still an incredible amount of animosity between everyone. If Jack (Mothers husband) could have forseen all this I think he would have left them nothing. It’s sad the legacy greedy offspring leave over their deceased parents. But…be of good cheer! YOU are not them!
monty said,
May 15, 2007 at 1:54 am
I’m vey sorry that your mother is gone. I know how you feel, my mother is also gone, too. I miss her so very much. May you always be blessed in everything that your hand touches!
-Monty
*Walmie* said,
May 15, 2007 at 3:33 am
You certainly have the same natural beauty as your mum. you had a big part of her life and you have the same big heart and kindness. take care always my friend x
Anonymous said,
May 15, 2007 at 7:04 am
What a legacy your siblings are leaving for their children to follow, and such family love…My goodness I can feel the love just flowing out all over….NOT! My mom passed on November 9th 2006. I moved here (Ohio) from Spokane, Washington in November to help my Dad out financially. He and mom had been togetjher over 55 yrs. The house is paid for the new car is paid for. But he’s on social security and when mom passed, her portion of the money stopped coming. So, pops needed a few more $$$$ to get him over the hump. I have 2, not one, but 2 brothers living in Ohio that will not help him out. So I moved here to step up to the plate and help out where I could. My father told me he wants all to go to me when he goes(sigh). This isn’t something I’m looking forward to, but I know it is inevitable. We have to get a form naming me sole owner to the deed of this house and surrounding property, excluding my brothers…These are his wishes for their(my brothers) lack of concern during his time of sorrow and what should have been a joint effort on all of us to to help Dad out. My dad has always been their for my younger brother…Always!! WOW! Sorry for venting hun… but it felt good to say this, or write it down..this is the first time I’ve blogged it so vividly. I also know we need to do this before it’s too late, there’s never any time it seems … I pray you win the day!!! Your mom had her reasons for leaving you the house, and whatever they were, her wishes should be honored, after all, IT WAS HER HOUSE!..AM I bitter …some yes, because this is on going with my siblings as well. I’ve put my social life on hold…until ????? Meanwhile I’m working saving up for a photography studio(smile) My life long dream, so there’s is some light at the end of this tunnel…GOD bless you Ms Fuff..I’m James Travis, and I feel your pain!
Anonymous said,
May 15, 2007 at 10:36 am
Dear Fluffybutt, I feel priviledged that u could even share ur grief with us.
Relatives (sigh)…they’re more often a source of grief than of joy, and thereafter it is so hard to get our faith in humanity restored and act innocently again.
Loads of courage!
We actually are never aware how much we can shpoulder. We are stronger than we think.
SO, PREVAIL!
Andreea
Anonymous said,
May 15, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Hello Fluffybutt,
Don’t worry what goes around comes around- your mother is looking out for you ! :0)
loving_elvis_52 said,
May 15, 2007 at 10:06 pm
DEAR FLUFFY, YOUR MOTHER MUST HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL AND MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FOR SURE. SHE LOOKS LIKE A QUEEN IN THE PICTURE. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE AND OUT BOTH. I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD ON DEALING WITH HER WILL. GREED IS ALL THAT THE OTHER ONE’S HAVE IN MIND. THEY DESERVE NOTHING. GOD WILL BLESS YOU AND HELP YOU FLUFFY. WHEN I DIE, ALL OF MY THINGS WILL GO TO CHARITY.
♥♥♥ r o s e said,
May 16, 2007 at 1:57 pm
i will turn to good…. you will do right….
and… i know how much it hurts.. mothers day….. your thoughts are with your mother….
take care fluffy…..
Curtis said,
May 18, 2007 at 4:01 am
Its ashame people have to go to war over loved ones possesions when they pass,Since my real mother passed when I was younger, I had to do my grandmothers este , drug out for yar and a half, didn’t have time to get over her death till I had to deal with greedy laywers. One of the layers told me after it was over that she charged me double, because she had student loan to pay off, I knew what she was doing but I had time limit or face penialtys from the gov.
Now my fathers kidneys are failing and hes not going on kidney dialysist do it’s a matter of time, my step brother wants to put them in a home and refuses to help out around their house, I’m doing most of the work like cutting the grass, but when they pass he will be first in line with his hand out. so good luck
Anonymous said,
May 19, 2007 at 7:00 am
First of all I was going to read the blog ahead of this one… but Your Mum caught my eye…. What a Beautiful woman… What a precious Picture of her. She looks like such a free Spirit here full of fun, Love for Life. I hope you get this problem worked out… I would think a Judge would see through their intentions…. My Best of Luck and Prayers to you….
Anonymous said,
May 19, 2007 at 10:30 pm
I hope things are working out better but I would not give them anything, they treated her bad enough that she wanted them cut out thats her last wishes and they should have treated her better.
I hope to anything you win and they learn to be nice to people and not “write them off to fast”.
I watched my grandmother die virtually alone and if anyone would have believed her in her right mind she might have made a new will as well, however she was not in her right mind and hardly remembered the passing of time, which was a blessing for her but a shame still to all her children that lived near her.
Anonymous said,
May 20, 2007 at 3:21 pm
your mom looks absolutely beautiful in that pic..about the will and the fights that are so hurtful…well..all i can tell you is that bad times pass …and eventually time heals…my hugs to you
guacie
ozzy g said,
May 21, 2007 at 7:51 am
I know the sadness of losing a mom,mine has been gone two years, on Mothers day I try to no be too sad, but I try to think of nice things she did and I know she would want me to be happy. I went to a Toronto Blue Jays game on Mothers Day because we used to some times do that. It was good and also sad to remember. Yes it is bad when siblings fight over the will. It reminds us to always have everything in the will and have it updated. Best of luck to you in court. May be you could still try for a child or adopt.
ozzy g said,
May 21, 2007 at 7:51 am
I know the sadness of losing a mom,mine has been gone two years, on Mothers day I try to no be too sad, but I try to think of nice things she did and I know she would want me to be happy. I went to a Toronto Blue Jays game on Mothers Day because we used to some times do that. It was good and also sad to remember. Yes it is bad when siblings fight over the will. It reminds us to always have everything in the will and have it updated. Best of luck to you in court. May be you could still try for a child or adopt.
Anonymous said,
May 21, 2007 at 10:25 am
I’m really sorry about the foolishness your half-siblings are putting you through. Hold on to the wonderful memories you have of your mother & wait for the storm to pass. Storms always fizzle out on their own.
Anonymous said,
May 21, 2007 at 11:09 am
hello there!
I just was reading some things in your blog, but this pictures of you mother, make me thing on “Frida Khalo” for the outfit and the ornament on her head, if you have opportunity, please let me know it if is the same ok. thanks, ver good picture of you mom.
Anonymous said,
May 21, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Touching….and oh so familiar. Care to share? Heather.
termas l said,
May 22, 2007 at 9:40 am
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termas l said,
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termas l said,
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termas l said,
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termas l said,
May 22, 2007 at 9:40 am
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Devilish said,
May 22, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Family can be quite wonderful…..and quite trying. But hold on to the good memories of your mother (and it is a lovely photo of her), and hang in there. (And love the photos of your babies).
Steph said,
May 23, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I really like ur page name fluffybutt its great.
Tawaka said,
May 26, 2007 at 7:05 pm
I know about babies. Mine were Meishka and Amade. And I know about losing a mother….it has fueled much of my writing…both about my mom and dad. One thing I did not allow to happen was to get into a fight over “things”. I know there were things I would have liked, but in the long run it wasn’t worth it. After all, I really wanted my mom or dad back. Period. You know, there is a truth, which is: You don’t hurt or weep over someone who was not worth anything. You feel pain, only when you have lost much. It sounds like you have lost grace. Wash yourself daily in the beautiful memories.
Anonymous said,
May 27, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I’m very sorry to here about your mother’s passing. The unruliness of your siblings only adds insult to the injury. Praying for you and your family.
Anonymous said,
June 9, 2007 at 5:22 pm
What does the loss of a loved one mean to people? To most it means nothing anymore and its sad.They do say you make the biggest impact when you die tho. But i don’t understand why family members fight over things. Should not it be that they sit back and just say thank you to what they are left even if it be nothing?? love and strength to you
Anonymous said,
June 13, 2007 at 7:32 pm
I agree with Bart, you’re mom looks like a movie star. A truely beautiful lady in both mind and heart.
Anonymous said,
June 14, 2007 at 1:12 am
Greatly put!
Mom’s are Wonderful people!