It’s Hard to Ignore…

January 30, 2007 at 4:26 pm (Uncategorized)

all the love I feel from my friends in 360 land. I thought I could but I can’t.

So I will post here occassionally, but you won’t have as much of my time as you used to.

I am not going to let it take over my life again, but I really do miss you people.

I don’t know what I will do with my other blog yet. I will have to put more thought into that one.

Anyway I am at work so I must do some.

 

Love Me xxx

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Life is a Wonderful Thing…

January 30, 2007 at 3:54 pm (Uncategorized)

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When you are looking for something,

And you cannot find it.

Stop. Relax. Make peace with yourself.

And then you will find it.

It will have been right in front of you all the time.

Love Me xxxxx

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Thank You All…

January 18, 2007 at 2:12 pm (Uncategorized)

Okay. Thanks everyone for all your lovely messages and indeed thank you for your support, love and friendship while I have been on this journey and a part of 360.

But it is with sadness that I tell you I must move on and do other things.

It is not that I don’t appreciate everything I have here. I do.

But I geniunely feel I have out grown 360.

On Wednesday night I had a visit from my late husbands mother. I had not seen her since his funeral.

While she visited me I was fine but after she left I cried and decided it was time for me to stop writing on 360.

Even as I write this I am crying.

I need to move on. I do want to continue writing but not in this forum or in this way.

When I have set up another blog I will let you know where it is.

Until then I will leave this blog up but will not be adding any more posts to it, except for this entry.

If you send me messages I will read them but I can’t guarantee I will get back to everyone. I will get back to as many people at a time as I can manage.

I do need a break from this altogether though so please be patient if you want a response.

Once again THANK YOU for always supporting me, I certainly never expected that so many people would like me and be interested in what I do and have to say.

All my Love Me xxxxxxxx

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One of My Most Favourite Photos…

January 16, 2007 at 9:04 pm (Uncategorized)

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I love this photo, and yet it is so painful to look at it.

I love that it is so spontaneous, joyful, playful and happy.

My father holding my hand as I got out of the car at the church.

At the time it represented the beginning of a new life with my husband.

Now I can\’t help but attach pain to it.

Its almost as if, as in my first poem for this year, in this photo I was innocent of what was to come.

A bride on her wedding day filled with hopes and dreams of a happy future.

How life can change from one day to the next.

Regardless of how sad you may think this post is, I am not sad.

I am happy.

I am happy that I still believe in love.

I am happy that I still believe that I will find someone with whom I can share my life.

I haven\’t become cynical and jaded.

I still believe I can experience the feelings I had in that moment in that photo again.

In fact I know I can.

Love Me xxxxxx

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So why did I start this bloody thing in the first place?

January 16, 2007 at 2:08 am (Uncategorized)

I am of course talking about why I started my blog.

Why did I start it again? Is it because the Yahoo page hypnotized me by showing 360 to me as something exciting, popular and friendly? Partly.

Some of you that have read some of my earlier entries or that I have told via messages or email will know that I lost my mother a year ago, six months before that I lost my husband, a year before that I lost my father and six months before that I lost my brother-in-law.

After my mother died, I was still living in her house as I was caring for her (she had a stroke three years previously and lost her speech and mobility) and suddenly I was left totally alone. Alone in a three bedroom house on a large piece of land an hour and a half travelling time from my work and friends.

Lonely, I joined an internet dating website and met a wonderful and beautiful man that I felt very strongly for but was leaving the country.

That was a great experience that made me feel good about myself again, but in the end was painful as well.

But once he had left I was alone and needed to get out of that house and move back to the city.

I was extremely lucky to find this little cottage next door to my friend and work colleague, Pam and her partner Ian.

So things seemed to be looking up, until my siblings read my mothers will and discovered she had left the house to me. They were so upset that I have not spoken to them for a year now, and we are still fighting over it.

Meanwhile I had a lump in my right breast that seemed to be growing very quickly. Finally I forced myself to go to the doctor to be examined. The radiologist was panic stricken when she felt it and arranged for me to have an ultrasound a few days later. I spent all day at the clinic waiting to have the ultrasound, and as the doctors were looking at the scan I saw their faces drop and they said, “Frankly we are worried for you, it is an unusual lump with ragged edges so we must take a core biopsy to find out what it is”.

So they took a core biopsy, well no matter what it was it was going to have to be taken out. I spent about four days or so thinking I may have cancer. Thankfully I didn’t have cancer, but I still had to cope with the thought that this large 10cm lump was going to have to be operated on. I had never had surgery before and the thought of someone cutting into my breast was horrible to me.

Well the surgery came and went, it all went well thank goodness.

A month or so after the surgery I decided to get back onto the internet dating sites and I went out with a few men but really couldn’t find anyone that I felt I could see myself with for any length of time.

In a way I became a bit obsessed with it and finding a partner, I was on so many dating sites I couldn’t even remember all of them.

So one day I decided to try and focus on something else, but what?

Yes, I thought, that was it; I would try writing a blog! Ironically I thought it would be a good way to forget about men and get back in touch with who I am by expressing my thoughts and writing some poetry and maybe doing some artwork as well.

It wasn’t meant for anyone’s entertainment except my own. It wasn’t meant to make anyone else happy or sad.

I didn’t start it to be part of the 360 community, or to be popular or get on the “interesting pages”. All I wanted was to find myself again.

Its all been so overwhelming, I have to keep sight of why I started this in the first place. And as I get deeper and deeper into the 360 community I see all sorts of dramas and interactions going on, I don’t want these dramas, I just want to be me.

Please just let me be me.

Love Me xxxxx

Watch the video

P.S. I just wanted to say that I am thankful for all the wonderful friends I have made on 360. It has been very unexpected. And I am still thankful for all the things I do have in life. Like a good job that I love, a little house I love, my pussycats, my friends, living in a beautiful country and mangos!

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Blink 182 “I Miss You” Lyrics

January 15, 2007 at 7:05 pm (Uncategorized)

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We’ll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we’ll wish this never ends
We’ll wish this never ends

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Where are you and I’m so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

 
Watch the video here

I just feel like this song today…

 

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Poor Fluffybutt was Really, Really Hot…

January 15, 2007 at 1:30 am (Cats) ()

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Over the weekend here it was pretty hot, but it wasn\’t that hot.

The problem was it was humid, steamy, moist, muggy.

Everyone at work today said they were all cranky on the weekend.

And so were the pussycats.

Here is Fluffybutt lying on my deck, trying to keep cool.

Ahhh, that\’s what you get for living in a tropical climate.

So for those of you out there that are experiencing cold weather, think of us here in the tropics, sweating, even at night.

 

Love Me xxxxx

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What’s the Time Mr Wolf….

January 14, 2007 at 5:53 pm (Uncategorized)

The time where I am is…………

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My First Ever 360 Poll…

January 12, 2007 at 5:52 pm (Uncategorized)

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Would you buy this T-shirt?

P.S. Yes. I am taking the piss out of myself.

 

 

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An Oldie but a Goodie…

January 11, 2007 at 11:57 pm (Art, Drawing) (, )

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This is a drawing I did many years ago.

But it is still one of my favourites.

Love Me xxxxxx

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