Tragedy and Love

September 23, 2006 at 11:05 pm (Uncategorized)

What is life all about.

I have had more than my share of tragedy in the last 3 years.  But I am still here, still smiling, still laughing, still enjoying life.

There was a time when life was a struggle and it seemed too hard to go on, but I had two people relying on me for my strength and love.  I put my life on hold to care for the two people I most loved in the world that were ill and coming to the end of their lives. My husband and my mother. Ill at the same time I was living with both of them, they died within 6 months of each other.

I always thought the hardest thing in my life would be to lose my mother, she was strong and proud and an inspiration but most of all she was my friend and I loved her dearly. When she had a stroke in 2003 and lost her speech and some mobility our relationship changed dramatically. No longer could she give me counsel, make me clothes, come shopping with me.

Seeing someone that was so lively and vibrant losing the ability to speak is very difficult, but she was determined to carry on, she was almost 82 at the time of her stroke. She lived until a month after her 84th birthday. By that time she was ill and tired of struggling.

Meanwhile my husband became ill with liver disease brought on by drinking too much. He was a complicated person, a soul that was constanltly in pain and suffering. He was only 39 when he died. He always told me he wouldn’t make 40 and he didn’t by a few weeks.

His brother had died in Febuary of 2004 and that had totally devastated him. In August 2004 my father died after 5 years in a nursing home for dementia. He no longer recognised me and that was very hard to deal with.

In August 2005 my husband died and then in January 2006 my mother died.

So I am starting all over again, alone.

I have two cats I treasure. I do get lost in their little yellow round eyes.

And on sunny days like today, when the sky is blue and the rays of sunlight stream down between the leaves of the trees dappling the ground outside in my garden, everything seems to be beautiful, still.

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6 Comments

  1. Anonymous said,

    my mother died in 2003. she had alsheimers. its so sad. but she si with jesus now.new body!!new mind!!
    sorry for your pain.
    starting over , GOD will look after you. follow him.
    he has a purpose for everyone.
    take care.

  2. Anonymous said,

    Hello, I found your blog from Yahoo “interesting pages”. From what I’ve read so far, you are an amazing person inside and out! It’s been a few months since you wrote this blog (so you might not see my comment) but I must say … well… all I can say (because I haven’t lost anybody yet) is… well… {{HUGS}} from a stranger. I shall keep reading your blog to know how you are getting on, if that’s OK! — kelise72

  3. Bart said,

    Hi Fluffy, You have a lot of blogs so I just noticed this one and had to comment, I wouldn’t have guessed that behind your pretty smile there is so much heartache, I’ve lost a lot of people in my life too, the most recent was my mom on Dec 05, 2005, my brother found her on her kitchen floor, she had a heart condition and I think her heart just gave out and she dropped dead right there, then right after that my ex thought it would be a great time to start having an affair (thats a whole other story in itself) also my dad, one of my brothers, a 4 year old neice, the list goes on. It never gets any easier to lose someone, I’m not overly religious but I try to have a little faith and think that those who have passed are in a better place and that one day we’ll all be together again. Just try to deal with one day at a time ok. If you ever need someone to talk to I’ll be here. Your friend, Bart

  4. Anonymous said,

    I know the pain of losing your parents. I too have mine in heaven. I’m sorry that you lost your husband so needlessly to that demon of alcoholism. Many times men have difficulty talking through their pain and choose rather to numb their pain with alcohol or drugs. Thank God you are still strong and creative. God Bless you always, Elaine

  5. Tess' Chevalier [Listig the HomERphobe] said,

    That is such a well written and poignant post! My father died 10 years ago, and that’s still the greatest pain my life has known. Its followed closely by watching my 34 year old wife be struck down by migraines such that my 78 year old mother has a better “quality of life” in the medical sense than she does.

    May God give you peace, strength, and comfort! And may your cats give you a lot of affectionate preening and purring.

  6. Scribbler Girl said,

    hey your aussie yahoo seems to work better than mine! I mean it does really, did they fix it then? I think not!
    hey your poor dear thing! You told me this in letters you know, you have been through so much, I wish you the very best, you know that! 🙂

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